Playlists and Favorite sites

I'm really enjoying the holidays even if they weren't how I planned them. Same time last year, I was on plane to surprise my parents. Today - I'm just chilling at home, looking at the 3 or so feet of snow glad that I don't have a delayed or cancelled flight. I just get to chat with them on the phone and miss them lots which is good cuz that means I love them. Being a Buddhist I don't really celebrate the birth of Jesus which in fact really is in the spring. I read this ironic information from a recent article debunking the movie Zeitgeist. So what does one to do enjoy oneself during a freakishly wonderful White Christmas in Vancouver being that it's to crazy to drive or wait for a bus? Well, utilizing the internet I found a site called Pinoy Fanatics that plays Tagalog movies ALL DAY LONG!!! And we're not talking the old ones - it's the recent ones. Then there's a site, Hayag that streams the two main Filipino channels, then there's good old Justin TV that plays the latest movies. Getting bored watching movies - I start organizing and downloading songs, creating playlists. I was blown away by the music that has really shaped my 38 years of existence and that ideas that flow from them. From Siouxsie and the Banshees, to Courtney Love and Hole to Kanye West and Justin. FYI - Madonna has her own playlist - hulleer? So do all my favorite OPM (Original Pinoy Music). Memories start rushing through me - making me appreciate the life I've had and yet to have. More songs, more memories, longer play list - better life. Playlists almost shape and give a clear indication of who a person is. What's on your playlist? If you don't have one - use this precious time to make one, you'll be glad you did. Happy Holidays!!!

I'm not into boxing but ...

I saw the Pacquiao/DelaHoya fight tonite. It's not the violence that I'm into but it's the symbolism about the spirit of fighting against our own doubts that was really inspiring and what the athlete has to go through. I felt like I was with Manny and many of the millions of people watching, facing all the difficulties in my life, bobbing, weaving - facing my own darkness - taking aim and POW ... left hook - right in the eye! In this fight I saw how strategy and preparation were necessary, it wasn't just a couple of guys punching each other out. Also it was literally a David/Goliath story. Dela Hoya was larger but Manny was more determined. The victory captures the spirit of a people who have to fight to survive everyday in the Philippines, but I guess it's even larger than the Filipinos as there were people part of Manny's team that weren't from the Philippines, united in a goal to achieve victory. The principals I'm talking about I think are Universal. So even if you're not into boxing I understand, but if you're into fighting to win in your life, well, you see the analogy. I get why my brothers were into boxing and what it meant for them to grow up in a new country and how they used that sport to focus stress, anger or pressure in situations and again, for many youth that may not have had certain privileges. In the next while, as things may get difficult or challenging everywhere in the world - as we go into the ring with our negativity and the challenges in our life - and let's do a "Pacquiao" and knock it out! Congrats Manny!!

Slumdog Millionaire

What an amazing film. A great story about never giving up no matter how difficult and dark things get. It's truly a triumph and the fact that he was able to shoot a film in Mumbai with the crowds and the noise. I don't want to give away too much but just some of the shots were incredible - it also shows that the world is constantly changing - well at least physically - from slums to financial districts - from slumdog to Millionaire. Go and see it ...

Your Mission is here in Canada ...

This is the phrase that Mrs. Izumi, the first person to ever chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo in Canada said to me last week. She gently touched my arm and looked me compassionately yet firmly in the eye and said with every fibre of her being "You're Mission is HERE in Canada." Who's one to argue with living history and one who has fought so hard with our mentor Daisaku Ikeda to create Kosen Rufu in Canada. So that's my answer to the good 'ol Clash song: should I stay or should I go now? I've been asking that question since I was in Boracay a couple of years ago and I felt like I was capable of doing something good and right in this world - and to be an example to others. This completes this whole phase where two years ago, I got myself to the Philippines - my life changed. It was this huge culture shock - I wanted so much to do something for the people there and felt guilty, angry for what we had here in Canada. But recently - I realized that if I succeed here - I'll be in a better position to help people there. To go back there at this point in time would be running away and living small. The sacrifices my parents made to get me here would sort of be wasted. It's not saying that I'll never live in the Philippines full time at some point but for now, with the series, the 2010 Culture Festival it seems all roads are leading me back to Canada. I get that now. The answer is very clear. I have to do my very best here! Be the best at what I do here ... I think I will always strive to visit there every year but will make the most of what I have here. To world peace - starting where I'm at right now.

The key to happiness and abundance ...

If you're not "doing what you LOVE" right now, the next best thing is "LOVE what you're doing" which will eventually lead to "doing what you LOVE". It's all about the choice we make and adjusting our attitude. How can I possibly LOVE this crap job right now? Or I'm not getting any auditions etc. You ask ...

Well ...

I was talking about this concept during the last class I taught - and one of the gang was telling about how she got some not so good news from the tax man (when is it ever good news?). But talking to her about it later that day ... In an instant she changed her attitude about having to pay more money to Canada Revenue Agency. She just decided to face the situation ... to LOVE what she's doing and loudly declared: "I guess I'll just have to book more acting work then." That's the spirit I told her - not a few hours later - she gets this call from her agent that she has an audition. Hello? Point proven ... all I'm saying is that we're so powerful ... and how and what we think is crucial ...

I got to sing with Madonna ...

I'm still reeling ... I just got home from the Madonna concert and at the end she gets people to sing the chorus of Give it to me ... she saw me singing and got me to move close to the mic and sing and did I ever ... it was this really great moment and encounter of two people ... that was SOOOO MUCH FUN! I also thought only the people around me would see it ... actually it was on the BIG screens at BC Place so I guess it was an intimate moment with 60,000 people .. A memory that will last an eternity ... more pics to follow.

The finer things in life ...

Like a cute guy wanting to give you your order for free at at a coffee shop. I was on my way to my agents to go over demo tape stuff and wanted to pick up a cup of tea for him being English and all. So I get to a coffee shop close to the agency and I am served by this uber cute dude, and ask him how his day is going.

"Fine" he says "except for our debit machine is down."

I'm like "Oh no, I'll run and get some cash cuz I was going to pay by debit." He then asks me what my order is. I tell him and then he proceeds to give it to me for free. Well ... I don't know if it's because of all the chanting I'm doing these days but it just didn't seem right. So I took the stuff and told him I would be back. I also had to think of what to say so I wouldn't insult his random act of kindness.

So I did my stuff with Andy and went back with money in hand and basically told him "Please don't take this the wrong way or be insulted, but I just don't want you to be short on your cash. It was really sweet what you did for me and made my day. What's your name? Ben. Hmmmmm."

I told him mine of course and we just left it at that.

Oh yes, the finer things in life. The kindness of strangers.

Break on Thru.

Well it's been a hectic weekend to say the least, I've been helping organize this Buddhist exam for the youth. Buddhists have exams you ask? Yes, but it's not just about remembering jargon and facts - the learning part is about how you can really make concepts such as courage, compassion and wisdom really make sense in your everyday life. Not at all theory. As this is all happening ... craziness in regards to renovations in my home, trying to find work and feeling of rage/anger/doubt/insecurities started to rise everywhere in my life. It was so overwhelming sometimes I just wanted to quit. But I didn't I just kept on going reminding myself to put one foot in front of the other and to talk it out with friends and family.

As well, Less Than Kind premiered and was at least happy with that. I really chanted and prayed that I could keep having the opportunity to work on the show. I think it's a great project and the best way to look at human's imperfection is by having a sense of humour about it. And it hasn't been totally confirmed but I'm probably coming back on the show ... fingers crossed. I'll just be happy to be learning from such talented people.

So we just have to keep moving forward.

Talking it out with friends ...

It seems like most people that I've talked to of late seem to have not been talking to people of late. Like they've gone under and just recently have been coming back out and connecting with people. Even in the past couple of days, it seems like I've just been having great dialogues and chats. I didn't realize I've been missing that connection. It makes struggles and challenges more bearable when you share the journey together with friends.

Today's class was great. People talked about what they wanted in class. Also, Less Than Kind premiered last nite. Lots of people seemed to genuinely like it and were entertained by the show. I was happy with my work ... proud although I didn't see my name in the credits but I really moved past my ego about it and just decided to go with grace ... as long as I know who did it. My name really at the end of the day doesn't have to be plastered all over the show. I lived it. So I got over it. I am so grateful for the experience and no one can ever take that victory away from except myself and I sure as hell won't.

And the Oscar goes to ...

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been doing this exercise where my students do their Oscar speech and it's been producing AMAZING results in terms of confidence.

It gets them to really think about who they want to work with, who they appreciate in their lives and that it's not such a pipe dream as long as they have courage, confidence and work hard. It makes success real and not dependent on something outside of themselves but more that it begins within themselves - try it sometime in front of a group of friends.

Also, that there is no time for our neuroses, doubts and fears. I mean, we're human and we have them but the faster we get them out of the way, the better. If not, then we walk around in a bit of a trance - suffering, miserable, not present. No matter what, we just have to keep moving forward - even if it's a baby step.

I also remind people that amazing moment that they felt when doing they're speech - their Oscar moment ... well, every moment can be an Oscar moment, even in our scariest, most challenging/depressing times. It's up to us to choose.

Look ma ... we're starting a farm.

Ok ... here are the latest pics of the warehouse, there are a little things that need to be tweaked but it's basically done. My parents are counting the days til they get back home. Me too. This is where most of my money has gone to. I'm proud of it, at times not even believing that something like this has manifested. The whole experience still scares the s**t out of me, but what else is one going to do with their life?It's the heart, soul and hope of a whole village. The beginning of something and something I'm proud to be part of.

We finally make it ...

Past the border with my mother that is. Yes ... third time lucky but not without its usual challenges. A 2 hour line up, having to go back into the border patrol office to get ANOTHER visa but we made it thru and had this great afternoon with my mom and sister. We had laughs, talked about relatives, made plans for Christmas. AWESOME considering I haven't really talked to my sister in years and now ... we just have such a great time hanging out. Sis, if you're reading this I hope you make it to Philippines for Christmas. Heck ... I hope I make it to Philippines for Christmas. I'm determined to make it happen - I can't miss out on Christmas back home this year. It would be weird ... so chanting to book a few things before the year's end.

Flow ...

So just finished another great weekend soaking up a whole mess of wisdom ... in other words, Barbara Deutsch came to town. From the feedback I got it was the best one that most people have attended. The group of people that showed up this weekend were so funny, energetic and I don't know ... there was such a BIG energy in the group, it's the best word to describe it. People were living large.

I also got my ass kicked by Madame Deutsch. She pointed out the possibility that maybe now was not a good to leave the country for a year as my career is beginning to build some momentum and to let my life be a bit more malleable.

Another thing that Barbara pointed out this weekend was how even a year ago, I was playing such a small game and NOW ... that is so not the case. I'm playing a bigger game yet I didn't realize until this weekend was the I wasn't using the tools or the attitude of playing a bigger game. It's nice to be guided a bit in the right direction.

I just feel different from the past two weekends, stronger - more capacity to be able to handle the challenges. I found out last week that Less Than Kind has been picked up for another season and it hasn't been confirmed that my character is returning ... but I'm optimistic that things will work out ... flow ... flow ... flow.

Breakthrough weekend ...


Last weekend I went to a Buddhist conference with 18 of my other Buddhamates to Vashon Island and it was incredible. With only a few minor bumps, things went pretty smooth in terms of organizing that many people for a road trip. It was the most joyous two and half days.

There was a Women's division leader, Linda Johnson from the US that spoke and the thing she said about faith really touched me. As I paraphrase - she mentioned that we have all the unlimited power within us to achieve whatever we want. Why we suffer is that we don't believe that. We are deluded with a negative belief which causes us to do things that aren't the best for us and that chanting Nam myoho Renge Kyo, this deep phrase, that turns on our Buddhahood or most enlightened self is the key and action to changing that negative belief. As for us Buddhists who do chant, we know it works which is why we still do it. But it's nice to hear it confirmed every now and then but when she said it in that moment - it connected to the heart of every single person in that room and created this amazing shared experience that I think we will all take with us for the rest of our lives. It also worked so well in that moment because throughout the weekend, we studied a lot about the concepts of having a mentor and really being to connected to him In our practice our mentor is Daisaku Ikeda. We really study about the spirit of what he stands for and it's not a guru or god worship thing which is different from a mentor. Here's a great site with some amazing guidance and quotes.

Daisaku Ikeda quotes


So I've been making efforts to really believe that we all have the unlimited potential within to solve our problems and achieve anything we want. My chanting in the past couple of days has been amazing and I am starting to see that potential and awakening it even deeper in my life.


For example - Monday nite to Tuesday my laptop, which I'm writing this blog from was really acting up. It kept on turning off every 3 minutes and I didn't know why. I started panicking a bit because it has 2.5 years worth of material. I had a backup but doing a recover is still a hassle and I was thinking do I need to get a new laptop now? Instead I chanted , came from a calm place - googled on my desktop downstairs and found the answer that there could be some dust inside my laptop. That felt like the right answer, but we don't normally think of that ... so I got my air canister and VOILA ... happy laptop. I know that my seem small but to have to buy another laptop and possibly lose all the work I had on that computer - is valuable to me. So I felt that I really did have the answer or the capability to find it.




















We have the unlimited potential within us to solve our problems and achieve anything we want. What causes us suffering is that we refuse to believe it. Sounds good to me!

What matters ... part deux ...

I finally have time to really write about stuff post Everest. It was such a whirlwind this week, lots more auditions for parts I'm really enjoying! But yesterday, I had time to think about the experience now that the show has aired. There was an e-mail chain started by one of the guys and it was so good connecting with them and sharing the laughs about what happened during the experience. What was also pretty amazing was being at home watching the show with my parents - I was able to go to one of the biggest film premieres and hands down - hanging with my parents and answering questions about shooting Everest wins! I felt like the richest, most famous guy at that moment. I knew they were proud of me yet at the same time it was so relaxed. I just want to keep supporting my family and from there I think it will most likely be easier to handle all the pressures of success. Cuz to me ... having your parents being part of a once in a lifetime experience, that's what matters.

Climb every mountain ...

Finally after about 2.5 years, Everest is broadcast and all these memories came flooding through my mind. The friendships, the challenges and the victories that happen with a once in a lifetime experience. I always wondered why it took so long to broadcast but I'm glad it happened when it did because I got to share this experience with my parents. Watched it in bed with my mom and then hung with my dad in the kitchen at times while he asked me questions about the experience. Priceless ... then the flurry of e-mails with my fellow castmembers. I'm a lucky guy ... I also sent out this press release and it's gone viral all over the virtual universe, from one link to another link to another ...

Check it out here

All the support and well wishes from friends and family feels really good for something that I've worked so hard for. So thanks to you all ...

Amazing ... so things are moving. I feel a sense of accomplishment and completion. But there are definitely more mountains to climb. I have to get to school in 3 months and lots to take care of before then. I'm ready for my next Everest.

Coming Home ...

I am breathing a sigh of relief. My dad is home from his 7 day stay at spa Mt. Saint Joseph's hospital. And ... well ... I'm glad he's home safe and sound. His blood counts are back up. Also, things are going amazingly well with my new agent. In the 2 weeks I've been with him, I've been on 4 auditions. One of them this really great part on a sit-com. I continue to breathe a sigh of relief. 10 more days until Everest airs, postcards have been designed and will talk to the agency publicist tomorrow to build some more heat for Everest and Less Than Kind. Another relieved sigh. It's all about taking action for oneself and taking care of business. My theme this year was: I have arrived and the world say YES. But recently while I was chanting, it didn't feel right anymore. First of all, "the world says YES" felt like I was needing approval. I don't. But I do want to stop feeling like a victim ... so I revised my theme to: VICTIM NO MORE, I HAVE ARRIVED! Man, did things change immediately. I had people opening doors, (I mean literally, people were opening doors for me) I felt more connected to people and vice versa. My confidence is at a deeper place. What a difference a few words make ... My family is safe, healthy and sound ... and I breathe ... a ... sigh ... of ... relief!

I do this exercise in class ... it's a confidence builder called ... I'm Superman ...

and we start listing off the amazing things that we've accomplished in our lives. When I think about it, that happens everyday ... So here goes ... this weekend, I helped open up the Buddhist Culture Center, find out my dad was checked into Emergency cuz his blood count is low, so organized this meeting before I had to make sure that my dad was ok at the hospital, drive back to the meeting. Then go back and visit my dad again, take my mom and a visitor from Switzerland all over town. Then wake up the next morning meet with a couple of guys, go back to the hospital to visit my dad, go to a couple of picnics, meet a student, then go to a planning meeting. hmmmmmm .... I'M SUPERMAN!

I think my dad getting checked into emergency this weekend admittedly stressed me out a bit, I think about how each moment is precious and understand why am hanging with my parents. Thoughts started rushing thru my mind, how would my mom handle things if something did happen? What about the farm? What would day to day stuff in our house be like? Life was a little different not having him in the house and being at the hospital the past couple of day. I think my dad will be OK ... and will be around for a while ... but we never know ... so am grateful for each day.

The Bicycle Thief ...

Yes, my bike got stolen!!! It's a really shitty feeling after coming back from teaching a really great acting class to go outside and find that someone else's bike is on the rack and that yours is no longer there. That really F***King sucks. I'm so sad and angry. I loved that bike ... it was a gift from my brother. So I had sushi with a friend and sulked as I helped her plan her life out in Asia. I'm keeping your name secret Rene ... oooopsss ... oh well. Wow, now you've been blogged twice in one week on two different people's blogs, girl you get around! So we planned her life in Asia, talked about life and relationships. After, she drove me back just in case I may have accidentally parked my bike somewhere else. But, oh well ... what can you do? So I took public transit and it was pretty fascinating because I really noticed the landscape of faces. Way different from when we first moved to Vancouver in 1976. There is an amazing diversity of different cultural backgrounds nowadays. Not just a homogeneous group of people, then I wondered why doesn't that make up reflect television, film and other media for that matter. I mean it's changing but not as quick as I'd like it to be. I was grateful to notice that anyway ... so I got home and whined to my mom for a few moments. Then realized, I have another bike anyway ... the world is abundant no? So whoever stole my bike, since you went to so much trouble to break my lock ... I hope you're enjoying it as much as I did.

What I have and what I don't have ...

Ok ... so this year hasn't been the easiest year for me. I've invested all this money into this farm back in the Philippines. Planning to go back to school, moved into another level of my work, have had many friends have health challenges. I'm supporting and taking on a lot of responsibilities in so many areas of my life. It can be overwhelming at times.

Yet, I stop and take a breath then think ...

today I had one of the best days of my life ... I got to hang with my family and go blueberry picking (slideshow) - coached a student, have a meeting with my new agent tomorrow to talk about this vast possibilities of a great NEW FUTURE ... I start to think about what I do have. I am so grateful that my parents are still healthy, happy - that I get to spend all this time with them and create these amazing memories. I definitely have to relate it to the fact that I have this amazing Buddhist practice and a great mentor - Daisaku Ikeda. I also am so appreciative that I'm a good teacher, a good actor who has not one but TWO shows coming up where I will be able to showcase my ability as a lead actor. I have gotten better at communicating. I have so much to be grateful for no matter how difficult things may get, I have a pretty good life. I just always have to keep looking ahead, keep looking forward.

Recovery

re·cov·er·y (r-kv-r)

n. pl. re·cov·er·ies

1. The act, process, duration, or an instance of recovering.

2. A return to a normal condition.

3. Something gained or restored in recovering.

4. The act of obtaining usable substances from unusable sources.

recovery

Noun

pl -eries

1. the act of recovering from sickness, a shock, or a setback

2. restoration to a former and better condition

3. the regaining of something lost

4. the extraction of useful substances from waste

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/recovery


Reading this definition, I come back to my own personal recovery. I don't think one has to be an alcoholic or drug addict necessarily to be in "recovery".

I think it's everyday when we go thru life's daily challenges or take on very difficult obstacles. We need a bit of time to recover. Sometimes it's 5 minutes, sometimes it's 5 years. It's important to just take a moment, to check in. Refresh, energize or we'll just keep going and burn out in one way or another ... and then if we get sick or hurt ourselves because we're not paying attention, unconscious ... we end up needing to recover anyway. I'd rather give myself the choice in the moment.

Next installment ... Ch-ch-ch-changes ...